It was just a regular day at home.
The sun was scorching,
the air was still
and I was relaxing after a long day of housework
just playing video games...
Who'd have thought such an ordinary day
would turn to a nightmare so quickly?
The phone call came.
My dad answered it.
I looked up to see him enter the living room
and pass me the phone.
I knew who it was
but I never knew what to expect
right after I said, "Hello?"
You were crying.
I knew something was wrong right away.
What else could I do
besides ask, "What's wrong?"
I thought something bad had happened
to your health or to you.
I never knew how wrong I could be.
You spat out a name
and I was gripped by fear.
"What happened to him?"
was all I could ask
and then you said those two words
that sent us spireling down.
"He's dead."
My insides froze up.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to throw up,
cry or maybe just run.
The pain was absolutely real.
Your sobs cut through my ear
and brought me to the reality
that you would have to face.
I did my best
but when we're so far apart
my best is hardly enough.
My own pain mirrored
the pain I felt nine months ago.
But what you're going through
was a million times worse.
I never felt so useless
or so helpless all my life.
We didn't stay on long
and after we hung up,
I felt empty inside.
My game did nothing to awaken me from the blank state.
I didn't know what to do.
I turned off my game
and turned on my laptop
hoping for a glimpse of you,
but you weren't there.
Turning to my friends offered no comfort
as I still felt a painful numbness
and wanting to be there for you.
More than anything in the world.
I went outside that night.
A storm was blowing in, but I didn't care.
I screamed all my anger,
vented my rage
and shouted my sorrows up to the sky.
The wind blew all around me,
almost as if it was trying to respond,
but my ears were shut
to everything but myself.
Returning inside to hide from the thunder,
I went back to my laptop
and found you waiting for me.
We talked a bit
and you surprised me.
You had come out determined
to not let this change your life.
Your dreams and goals are still in your mind.
You're determined to live them.
I admired your ambition and determination,
and wanted to cry when you said I was included in your dream.
I know you're still hurting.
I can sense it; I hear your voice in my head when I'm asleep.
I feel and share all your pain.
I know our souls are entertwined as much as our minds.
When you're upset, I am too.
When you're angry, I can feel that from where I am.
When you're happy, I hope it's me making you happy.
Our distance is nothing.
Because, although you're not physically with me,
I can feel your prescence in my mind and in my soul.
Our feelings have withstood the pain of distance.
Now I know what it's like to feel helpless,
knowing the one I love is suffering
and I can't do a FUCKING thing.
But for you, I'd do anything.
Take your pain and make it mine,
take a bullet and save your life,
or just take you in my arms and hold you all night.
I love you.
A tribute to Alastair J. Muir
Born: July 15, 1990.
Died: September 3, 2010.
Rest in peace, Al. I didn't know as well as I had hoped to but you were a part of Cam's life and a part of mine as well. I'll always miss you.
The sun was scorching,
the air was still
and I was relaxing after a long day of housework
just playing video games...
Who'd have thought such an ordinary day
would turn to a nightmare so quickly?
The phone call came.
My dad answered it.
I looked up to see him enter the living room
and pass me the phone.
I knew who it was
but I never knew what to expect
right after I said, "Hello?"
You were crying.
I knew something was wrong right away.
What else could I do
besides ask, "What's wrong?"
I thought something bad had happened
to your health or to you.
I never knew how wrong I could be.
You spat out a name
and I was gripped by fear.
"What happened to him?"
was all I could ask
and then you said those two words
that sent us spireling down.
"He's dead."
My insides froze up.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to throw up,
cry or maybe just run.
The pain was absolutely real.
Your sobs cut through my ear
and brought me to the reality
that you would have to face.
I did my best
but when we're so far apart
my best is hardly enough.
My own pain mirrored
the pain I felt nine months ago.
But what you're going through
was a million times worse.
I never felt so useless
or so helpless all my life.
We didn't stay on long
and after we hung up,
I felt empty inside.
My game did nothing to awaken me from the blank state.
I didn't know what to do.
I turned off my game
and turned on my laptop
hoping for a glimpse of you,
but you weren't there.
Turning to my friends offered no comfort
as I still felt a painful numbness
and wanting to be there for you.
More than anything in the world.
I went outside that night.
A storm was blowing in, but I didn't care.
I screamed all my anger,
vented my rage
and shouted my sorrows up to the sky.
The wind blew all around me,
almost as if it was trying to respond,
but my ears were shut
to everything but myself.
Returning inside to hide from the thunder,
I went back to my laptop
and found you waiting for me.
We talked a bit
and you surprised me.
You had come out determined
to not let this change your life.
Your dreams and goals are still in your mind.
You're determined to live them.
I admired your ambition and determination,
and wanted to cry when you said I was included in your dream.
I know you're still hurting.
I can sense it; I hear your voice in my head when I'm asleep.
I feel and share all your pain.
I know our souls are entertwined as much as our minds.
When you're upset, I am too.
When you're angry, I can feel that from where I am.
When you're happy, I hope it's me making you happy.
Our distance is nothing.
Because, although you're not physically with me,
I can feel your prescence in my mind and in my soul.
Our feelings have withstood the pain of distance.
Now I know what it's like to feel helpless,
knowing the one I love is suffering
and I can't do a FUCKING thing.
But for you, I'd do anything.
Take your pain and make it mine,
take a bullet and save your life,
or just take you in my arms and hold you all night.
I love you.
A tribute to Alastair J. Muir
Born: July 15, 1990.
Died: September 3, 2010.
Rest in peace, Al. I didn't know as well as I had hoped to but you were a part of Cam's life and a part of mine as well. I'll always miss you.
